The shadows
by Iwasallbymyself
Summary: "He feels how his stepfather starts getting excited, he can hear his deep, quiet moans in his ear, he can feel the wet lips against his skin and in the mirror on the wall he can see a scared, disgusting little boy wishing for death. He wants Connor, he wants his brother." Kiddie saints. Abuse, angst and a lot of brotherly love
1. Chapter 1

"Connor?"

The voice is small and childlike but it wakes him right up from his deep, peaceful sleep. The room it´s pitch black but that doesn´t matter, he already knows that it´s Murphy standing by his bed, looking like a little boy with his messy black hair and pale, white skin that is covered in a few scrapes and bruises. Bruises and scrapes from when he falls down or runs in to things. It is not that Murphy is clumsy in any ways he is just too wild, hotheaded, always trying something new. His younger half is always trying to climb a little bit higher than last time or jump a little bit longer, for no reason other than to see if he will make it. Sometimes he makes it, sometimes he don´t. His twin is one of the bravest persons he knows but when it´s comes to the dark and sleep his brother stands helpless, too afraid to close his eyes.

"Connor?" Murphy says again meanwhile he clutching on to the pillow in his hand, like it´s a weapon, protecting him from the shadows. "Con!"

"Bad dream again, Murphy?" He asks with a yawn and tries not letting the feeling of worry take over his voice.

"Can I sleep with you?" His little brother asks in a quiet whisper, obviously avoiding the question.

"You don´t have to ask, you know that." He answers and scoots over, making room for his brother.

Murphy crawls down under the covers and he can feel how the fear in his body and mind disappears when he feels Connor next to him, protecting him. For a minute they just lay there, listening to each other's breathing.

"Why won´t you tell me about your dreams?" He asks suddenly and grabs his twins' hand. "Why won´t you tell me what you´re afraid of, Murph? I am your brother!"

"I am aware of that, Con." Murphy snorts and rolls his eyes, still not daring to close them. "And for the bloody record, Connor, I´m not afraid of anything."

"Yeah? So why do you want to sleep in my bed, Murph? I know I´m handsome and perfect but that can´t be the only reason." He taunts with a smile.

It becomes quiet again, deathly quiet. But he knows that Murphy is still wide awake, when Murphy fall asleep one notices. His little brother sleeps like a restless madman. It used to be funny watching Murphy rolling around in bed, twisting and turning, now it´s just scary.

"Murph, you know I love you…"

Murphy sighs frustrated, knowing exactly where this conversation is headed.

"But if Colin finds out about this there will be hell to pay. Remember last time?"

"Fuck Colin, he´s not da, he can´t tell us what to do." Murphy growls quietly. "Ma is just fucking him, killing time."

"That´s your fucking mother you talking about!" He exclaims and smacks his brother on the forehead. In disgust he wrinkles his nose and trying his hardest not to think of his mother fucking Colin.

"It´s your fucking mother…" Murphy mutters darkly.

"What I´m trying to say is that you´re 14 years old Murphy and…" He says but once again Murphy cuts him off with a snarl.

"I know how old I am, Con, I counted the fucking candles on our birthday cake."

"Shut it!" He growls warningly, getting more and more frustrated with his little brother. "Please, Murph, just tell me what´s wrong so I can help you."

"You can´t help me, nobody can´t help me."

"And why is that?"

"Because I don´t know what´s wrong, Con!" Murphy whimpers and feels how the fear is slowly returning. "It just feels like, like there is a war inside of me. I can´t explain it. Every time I close my eyes… I… I… I don´t know what´s wrong. Please Connor, just let me sleep here with you."

The tears in his little brothers eyes, the fear in his voice and the confusion, the horror, on his face; it´s brakes his heart, in too million little pieces.

"Oh Murphy, it´ll be okay, brother." He says in that soothing voice that sounds just like their mothers. He pulls his shaking baby brother in to a hug and he wished he could do something to help. "I promise everything will be all right. I promise."

Murphy is letting himself disappear in to his brother´s embrace and lies there quietly, trying to control the sobbing and the tears. In his ear he hears Connors comforting voice and he knows that nothing can harm him now. He is safe, even from the dark and the shadows. For almost an hour he lays with his brother in his arms, rocking him, comforting him and letting him know that he will always be safe. That he will always be there by his side.

"Thanks Con." Murphy whispers, but still not ready to let go.

"Don´t mention it, Murph, this is what big brother´s do.

"Fuck you, I´m the oldest!"

"No fucking way, baby-face, no fucking way."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for you reviews! Thank you so much! Made my day! **

_One year later. _

Murphy has been quiet for almost an hour and that worries him. His younger brother has never been able to shut it for longer than a minute, to his great annoyance. But now Murph just sits on his bed mopping and staring in to space with a scowl on his pale face and refuses to talk.

"Why so upset, sourpuss?" He asks in a lightheartedly tone trying to meets his little brothers eyes. "Saw yourself in the mirror again?"

With a sigh he stares at his brother, trying to make him understand that he won´t go away. That he won´t stop asking what´s wrong until Murphy tells him. Something his little brother really should know and be used to by now. When he himself is upset he wants to be left alone with his thoughts, and Murphy knows that. His younger half leaves him alone for a few hours before he gives him a punch on the shoulder and a mischievous smile, Murphy´s way of saying _I love you_. And even if his brother is acting like it right now, Murphy does not want to be left alone. His baby brother is absolutely terrified of being alone, and that is one of the reasons why he standing here, nagging.

"What´s wrong, Murph?" He asks again, trying not to sound like a worried older brother even though that is exactly what he is.

Like a little child Murphy refuses to answer and starts biting his lower lip instead, like he always does when he is nervous or stubborn. He walks over to the bed and sits down next to his younger half putting his hand on Murphy´s shoulder, squeezing it gently.

"Is it about a girl?" He asks knowing that it´s not. Murphy keeps ignoring him, still staring at nothing. "Is it about your nightmares?"

Panic flashes across Murph´s features, but only for a moment before the dark scowl returns. Anyone else would´ve missed the utter fear in Murphy´s eyes but he saw it, and it breaks his heart. His hardheaded brother still won't start talking so he decides to step it up a notch.

"Is it about what ma found in your pants pocket?" He says in a quiet voice filled with pity. This time he tries to look as worried and sympathetic as possible meanwhile he´s trying not to laugh out loud. It is hard because the look on his younger half´s is a perfect mixture of confusion and absolute horror.

"What?!" Exclaim Murphy in a voice that cracks.

The eyes of his brother are now staring at him which makes it so much harder to keep a straight face. He had just taken a stab in the dark, hoping his brother had _something_ hidden in his pockets.

"Oh, I thought she already talked to you about it…" He says and drops his eyes to the floor, unable to look at Murph without starting to chuckle. "Well, then I guess she will talk to you before dinner."

"Was she mad?" His twin asks sounding more than terrified.

"Oh yes." He answers and nods slowly.

"Was she really mad or was she really, _really_ mad?" Murph´s asks and he sounds so scared that he can´t help to start wondering what his brother hiding in his pocket.

"Do you remember how mad ma was when we pushed old bishop O'Brien in the lake just to see if he could walk on water like Jesus?"

"Y-yes." Gulps Murph and his eyes widen.

"Yeah… She´s about that mad right now."

"I am so dead."

"That you are, my dear brother that you are."

Murphy stands up quickly, grabs his jacket and starts running to the window. Typical Murphy, when it´s comes to their mother his little brother is a real sucker. Murphy is definitely a mama´s boy, always enjoying the kisses on the forehead, even if he denies it and he´s always tattling on him to her. Like that one time, one fucking time, he got beat up by a girl. Well, _girl_ is the wrong word. A redheaded gorilla is more like it.

"Boys, dinner!" Their mother screams from the kitchen.

"Fuck!" Murphy growls and throws his jacket on the floor, still staring at the window. "You think she´ll notice?"

"Are you seriously stupid?" He sneers and shakes his head. "The kitchen window is directly under ours, so I think she will put two and two together when she sees you dangle like an idiot."

"Fuck you."

Already in the kitchen is their stepfather, Colin. He remembers when ma had told them about her getting married again. It´s almost a year ago since she and Colin had walked down the aisle holding hands and made a promise to God. He had never seen ma so happy before. Everyone in the church had smiled everyone, except Murphy. His brother had just stood there, hands in pocket, his dark hair in his eyes and staring with pure hatred on the happy couple. On the day they told them about the engagement Murphy had ran out of the house, screaming and cussing. He had not been far behind and it took many hours before he managed to get Murphy back to the house, where he was scolded and grounded. He don´t know why Murphy hates the man so much, Colin is actually quite nice. He just figures his brother hates the man because he´s not their real da. Sure, he would also prefer their real da, but their da is not here. Never have and probably never will. Probably.

"Hello Con." Colin greets smilingly meanwhile he takes a carton of milk from the fridge before sitting down.

"Hey." He answers and takes his seat, trying not to look too disappointed when he sees todays dinner, meatloaf. Again.

"Where is your brother?" Ma asks and puts a bowl of mashed potatoes on the table and sits down. "I need to talk to him."

He doesn't need to answer because with eyes glued on the floor his brother walks in, looking mad in a lame attempt to hide his fear. Murph has always been useless at hiding his feelings and emotions, he´s like an open book in Greek. You can read him, but you can´t understand him. Without a word he sits down on his seat, between him and ma.

"Murphy, I need to talk to you. Look at me, this is important." Ma begins sternly and grabs her youngest sons chin when he refuses to look at her. "I need you to explain something."

He has no idea what ma wants, but he sure does finds this funny as hell. He is surprised Murphy´s not peeing his pants right now.

"A little birdy whispered in my ear that you failed another English essay today." Ma says exactly the second Murphy closes his eyes and cries out.

"It´s not mine!"

"What?" Ma says not really hearing what Murphy had said with his trembling voice.

"What?" Murphy answers, confusion written on his face until he hears the giggling next to him.

He is about to lose it when his little brother sends him a death glare and he just feels so happy. Consider it payback, baby brother, for the redheaded gorilla.

"What did you say, Murphy?" Ma asks and eyeing him suspiciously.

"What did you say, ma?" Murphy says playing dumb.

"I said that a birdy told me that you failed another English essay." Repeats ma and figures she will catch her youngest son in the act with whatever he tries to hide another time. "Why is that, Murphy?"

"You shouldn´t listen to birds ma, people will think you're crazy… well, crazier." Murphy says matter-of-factly.

"Watch your tongue boy." Colin warns and raises his index finger.

"Why don´t you watch it?" His little brother scoffs and sticks out his tongue.

He tries not to laugh at his brothers' childish behavior and the look on ma´s face is priceless. She wants to laugh so badly but she is trying so hard to be serious and strict.

"Murphy! Just answer the question, please! Ms Lynch told me you only wrote one line before turning your essay in. Why is that?"

Suddenly it is not funny anymore. His twin lets his dark hair get in his eyes. He sees how Murph is starting to bite his bottom lip again and he wants nothing more than to defend his brother but he doesn't know how.

"Answer your mother, boy." Says Colin strictly and leans forward over the table. "Now!"

"I didn´t know what I were supposed to write because I didn´t read the book." Murphy growls darkly without meeting ma´s eyes. "Okay?"

"And why didn´t you read the book?" Colin asks sounding like a judge. "Murphy, explain to me why you didn´t bother to read the book. Connor read the book."

"No I didn´t, I rented the movie." He says jokingly.

No one is listening.

"I don't have to explain a fucking thing to you." Murphy mutters under his breath.

"Don't you dare talk like that to your da, Murphy!" Ma exclaim, trying not to lose her temper completely.

"He is not my da just because you are fucking him!" Murphy screams and his pale face turns red meanwhile his eyes turns scary black.

"Murphy!"

Ma is shocked but not as shocked she should be. They are all getting pretty used by Murphy´s outburst but it feels like he is the only one trying to understand his little brother. Everyone else just says he has a chip on his shoulder and poor impulse control. Maybe that´s true, but he is sure it goes deeper than that.

"Let me talk to him." Colin says calmly and grabs Murphy´s ear and leads him into the small room Colin has as his office.

Murphy protest loudly but when the door closes behind them his voice disappear. He and ma sit quietly for a second before ma starts serving the mashed potatoes and meatloaf. Cold meatloaf, great.

"I really hope your da can talk some sense in to your brother." Ma sighs and realizing that her craving for food is gone.

"He´s just going through a rough patch ma, he has trouble sleeping, the nightmares."

"Still?" Ma asks sounding extremely worried.

He nods, lowering his gaze.

"He won't tell me what´s bothering him either." He admits and a small feeling of anger fleers up inside him.

"Maybe he doesn´t know, maybe it´s nothing" Ma says lost in thoughts. "He has always had a strong imagination and a pretty dark one at that, so I can only guess that his dreams also are filled with those dark imaginations of his."

"Yeah, maybe."

He turns his eyes back to the door and wonders what lecture Murphy gets this time. Colin use to lecture him but not as often and not as long. Maybe because he doesn't have Murphy´s big mouth, always arguing and getting into more trouble. One time he asked Murphy if Colin ever hit him and Murphy had told him no. He believes if Colin would ever hit his brother Murphy would tell him. And since he sees his brother naked almost every day he would have seen the bruises.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you! You guys fucking rock! **

"You´re disgusting, Murphy. No one will ever love such a disgusting little boy like _you_. Not your mommy, not even your dear _brother_."

He can feel his stepfather´s warm breath against his neck. The tears are streaming down his face and he tries to scream, but the fear has taken his voice, leaving him naked, trapped in a cold, small room with the man who haunts his dreams every night. Colin´s hands are everywhere, touching him, humiliating him. He feels how his stepfather starts getting excited, he can hear his deep, quiet moans in his ear, he can feel the wet lips against his skin and in the mirror on the wall he can see a scared, disgusting little boy wishing for death. He wants Connor, he wants his brother.

XxX

He can see the unshed tears in his brothers eyes and how hard he´s struggling. The room is filled with an uncomfortable silence and not even ma says something. She just sits quietly, observing her youngest son with a tired expression, ready to give up. Colin has a firm hold of Murphy´s neck, forcing him to look at the bible that lies open, waiting to be read, in front of him. Murphy has not read one, single word and Colin is getting more and more frustrated.

"Read the first verse!" Colin says again, trying to control his anger. "Murphy, I am warning you!"

"I can read it." He says quickly meeting his little brother´s grateful eyes. "I´ll read it."

"No, Murphy will read it!" Colin says without taking his dark eyes of the younger twin. "If you won´t read, if you keep defying me, there will be consequences! Do you understand, Murphy?"

No answer.

"You´re grounded for a week, boy!" Colin exclaim with a deep sigh. "Read!"

"Murphy!" Ma pleads as her son still won´t open his mouth to read. "Be a good boy and read."

"I will give you a piece of advice boy…" Colin begins but Murphy cuts him off.

"Don´t eat the yellow snow. Yeah, I already know that one." Murphy says with a smirk and scoffs.

He can´t help but laugh and even though Colin gives him a stern look he can´t stop grinning. His little brother looks pleased and he knows how much Murphy enjoys making him laugh. It´s almost like he´s proud of it, being able to make his brother laugh.

"This behavior of yours Murphy is a disgrace, an embarrassment and I will not tolerate it!" Colin says and bangs his fist in the table, making them all jump. "Murphy, I will make sure you won´t drag Connor down with you, so if you don´t start behaving and do what you´re told I will move you to a different room. So Connor can study and concentrate without your childish shenanigans distracting him!"

"What?!" Both he and Murphy exclaim.

"Murphy doesn´t _drag me down_." He protest, feeling somewhat confused. "And to be honest, my shenanigans are way more…"

"Not now Connor!" Colin snaps.

He can see the panic in his little brother's eyes and he wants nothing more than to hug his brother and tell him that he´s safe. That he would never leave his side and leave him to the shadows. Not in a million years.

"It is up to you boy, you either read or you will be sleeping in the guestroom henceforth."

Murphy drops his gaze to the book in front of him and takes a deep breath. His little brother starts biting his lips, like he always does when he´s nervous and he can really see how his twin is struggling, trying to form the letters in to words.

"T-theref-fore… I… I… I" Murphy stutters turning red from embarrassment, trying so hard to read. "U-urge yo-ou brothers, i-in… vie-ew o-of G-g-gods m-me-ercy… t-to o-offer-r y-your b-b-bo-odies as-s l-liv-ving…"

Murphy is trembling and he tries to focus but the words do not wish to be read. They keep jumping from the page, escaping his sight and merge in to a one big, black spot. He shares his brother´s pain and he wish he could make it go away, but he don´t know what to do.

"I can´t read that word." Murphy mumbles under his breath, looking absolutely defeated.

Colin leans forward and shakes his head in disappointment when he sees which word Murphy struggles with. He suddenly gets the urge to punch his stepfather hard across the nose and watch him bleed.

"It says _sacrifices_, stupid." Colin sighs and rolls his eyes.

Murphy flinches at the word stupid, hating that word. He clenches his fists, trying to calm himself down; a punch on the nose won´t solves anything. He´ll try to talk to Colin first, try to reason with him, and explain that Murphy is having a hard time. His little brother's lip is now wet from blood as he keeps struggling to read, struggling so the shadows won´t get him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!**

"You boys better behave; I mean it, no alcohol and no sex!" Ma says, watching them with those dark eyes that can see everything. "I´ll be damned if I come home and find some poor little girl passed out naked on the couch!"

He rolls his eyes, bored with the lecture that he knows by heart. Ma grabs his chin, forces him to listen to the rest of her little speech and warnings.

"And so help me God, Connor, if I come home and find out that you two little brats have eaten all the chocolate pudding!"

Ma is deadly serious like she always is when it comes to pudding. Ma´s face is so serious, both he and Murphy starts sniggers which makes ma unable to keep a straight face. She smiles at her boys, her heart filled with pride and love, knowing she at least made two good things in her life. She made two beautiful boys who may not have much, but they did have love. The only thing she can afford to give them.

"And anything you break will be coming out of your allowance!" She threatens and gives them a dark glare.

"You don´t give us any allowance." He sneers, arms crossed over his chest.

"Gee, wonder why?" Ma smiles', leaning forward and gives him a kiss on the forehead. "Be good, Connor, don´t burn the house down."

"Please woman, you know I´m not able to make such promises." He jokes and grins wickedly with a twinkle in his eyes.

"That is my boy!"

When she leans over to kiss Murphy he notices how his little brother flinches. Like ma burned him or something. Ma notices it too.

"Are we getting too big to be kissed by mommy now are we, Murphy?" She says with a smile and ruffles his dark hair. "Be good and do not forget to lock the damn door!"

Murphy stands still, looking terrified, like he just realized something bad, something very bad… Finally it is only him and Murphy, all alone, for the whole weekend. No parents telling them what to do, or more precisely; what not to do. And instead of ma´s cold meatloaf for dinner they can have candy or pizza. The thought of not having to eat ma´s meatloaf or overcooked spaghetti brings a smile to his face.

"Let's have some pudding, brother." He says and disappears to the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabs the big bowl of pudding. He returns to the living room with two spoons and throws himself on the couch, turning the TV on. "What is the matter with you?"

The familiar feeling of worry returns when he notices that his little brother has not moved an inch. Murphy just stands there, lost in thoughts.

"Murph!" He screams, waking his little brother with a jolt.

Confusion and shame is written on his twin´s face and the big brother in him wants to grab Murphy by the shoulders and demand him to explain what's wrong. So he can help him. But he knows his little brother, Murphy´s not ready to talk yet, he´s way to angry. Murph is still upset for the pocket thing, and even though he still finds it hilarious he´s dying to find out what his brother is hiding.

"What is the matter with you?" He asks again, seeing his brother's permanent scowl return. "Just tell me what´s wrong."

"Nothing!" Murphy mumbles darkly. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Again?" He asks and raises an eyebrow. "It´s like the third time today, Murphy, it must be that age."

"What?" His little brother sneers, clearly feeling uncomfortable.

"It must be a really special girl." He taunts and winks at Murphy who turns red from embarrassment, causing him to laugh out loud.

"Screw you, Connor." Murphy snaps, failing to hide the smile on his lips when he storms out of the room.

"Have fun!" He screams after him and chuckles. "They grow up so fast."

He turns his attention to the soap opera, wishing that they had cable. Well, at least he has pudding. Actually he is not surprised that Murphy´s always showering nowadays, his little brother attracts dirt like a magnet. But he still has this weird feeling in his gut that he can´t seem to shake. Over the television set there is this big family portrait, and even though he hates to admit it, Murphy looks like the outsider instead of Colin. His little brother is so pale, he almost looks ill; the dark hair is standing in every direction, hiding his ice blue eyes and the scrawny body looks even thinner next to him. It is hard to believe that they are twins if you just look at them, he is aware of this. His own hair is light brown, almost blonde, and he is suntanned from being outside every day. Murphy is always outside but for some reason he stays sickly pale, to his little brother´s great frustration. But if you really look there is no doubt in anyone's mind that they are in fact twins. They have the same piercing blue eyes that will take your breath away. Ma looks so happy in the photo and he wonders if she ever looked so joyful when she was married to their da. Sometimes he wonders if their da was a good man, who just made a mistake. He knows ma wants Colin to be their da now but the average looking man will never be a father to him, Colin will always only be a decent man who takes care of ma. With black circles under his eyes Murphy walks in, looking more dead than alive and collapses on the couch. The dark hair is wet, the chest bare and the sweatpants his twin is wearing is way too big.

"You are getting skinny, brother." He comments without taking his eyes of the TV.

Murph´s slightly awkward body is worryingly thin, the ribs are sticking out and he can actually see how empty the stomach really is.

"You are getting fat." Retorts Murphy angrily.

"I´m not getting fat, I´m just big boned and a little fluffy!" He says pretending to be hurt and defensive. He wipes away a nonexistent tear and smiles. "When are you going to tell me what's in your pocket?"

Murphy doesn´t answer just looks at him with a dark, cold expression and sneers.

"Come on, don´t be like that Murphy. Don´t be such a baby!" He says knowing exactly how to push his twin´s buttons. "Don´t be a fucking coward! Tell me!"

"I am not a fucking coward!" Murphy roars looking utterly pissed off.

"So, you are just a baby than?" He says mockingly as he prepares for the first punch.

Murphy jumps off the couch, drags him down to the floor and starts swinging. His brother´s fist connects with his jaw and in the corner of his eye he can see Murphy´s face twisted in anger and something he can´t read. Sadness? He lets Murphy hit him one last time before he decides he has had enough. When Murphy is about to strike him again, he grabs his brother´s wrist and pulls him to the side, making Murphy lose his balance. He takes advantage of this and climbs on top a struggling Murphy who is not ready to give up yet. Their fights always ends in the same way; him on top of a fighting Murphy, claiming victory. This fight is not any different. He fights with his head meanwhile Murphy fights with his heart. He sits on top of his younger brother holding his wrists against the floor to make sure Murph´s not trying to sucker punch him, which has happened before on many different occasions. The anger in Murphy´s eyes is gone and it´s now replaced with a boyish and innocent smile. Sometimes he wonders if his brother is aware of his own smile and it´s power, the smile always mange to get him all warm inside. They both start laughing and for the first time in many days it feels like he got his baby brother back.

"You are a dick." Murphy grins, still trying to get up.

"That is not a very nice thing to say to your brother." He says warningly and raises an eyebrow. "I think I need to teach you some manners, Murph."

"Oh no, Connor!"

With a devils grin on his lips he stars tickling his defenseless little brother who starts giggling and laughing like a little kid. Murphy twists and turns, trying to get away from his torture but it´s no use.

"Please, Con! Please!" Murphy begs as he laughs heartily with tears rolling down his red cheeks. "Connor, please!"

"Say it!" He laughs and continue to tickle Murphy who can´t stop giggling. "You have to say it!"

"Never!" Murphy laughs and shakes his head like a maniac.

"Tell me what´s in your pocket!"

Murphy shakes his head again, trying to keep a straight face but he only manage to do so for a second before he bursts out laughing.

"Okay! I give up!" Murphy shouts, not able to take it any longer. "I´ll tell you, for fuck sakes, Connor!"

"Well?!" He says triumphantly and stops the torture.

"A condom..." Murphy says flickering with his eyes. "Happy?"

"Who are you shagging?" He asks surprised, thinking he would have notice Murphy not being by his side like he always is, well, almost always.

"No one." Murphy answers quickly.

"Then why do you have a condom in your pocket? You do know what a condom is, right?"

"Of course I know!"

"It is not a balloon."

"Very funny, Con." Murphy snorts and rolls his eyes. "I found it on the street so I picked it up to see what it was and, I don´t know, I put it in my pocket."

"You picked up a condom from the street?" He jokes in disgust. "Could you be anymore white trash?"

"It´s not used or anything, fuckface, it´s still unopened."

"If ma would´ve found the condom in your pocket…" He says, almost not daring to think of ma´s reaction.

"I would be dead right now! Dead… Rotten and forgotten." Murphy finishes and shrugs. "So thank you for almost getting me caught!"

"How would I have known you were a little pervert sneaking around with condoms in your pants and stuff?!" He says grinningly and starts tickle his younger brother again.

Murphy's laugh fills the whole house, making the darkness and the shadows disappear. For the moment…

X

For once his younger brother sleeps without tossing and turning every other second, and the only sound that's escaping Murphy´s mouth is a soft snoring. Murphy almost looks peaceful. It had been a fun night; between the wrestling matches they watched a movie that was so bad it became good. They stuffed their faces with candy, pudding and chips, a decision they regretted at once when the feeling of nausea came. He closes his eyes and smiles, tonight had been a great night. Suddenly Murphy lets out tortured scream, a scream filled with horror and agony that causes his heart to break, turning his blood to ice. He jumps out of bed and runs to his little brother who is screaming and trembling. It almost looks like Murphy is fighting someone, and losing. He looks at his baby brother and for the first time, he is truly afraid.

"Murphy wake up, baby brother, it´s me." He says, pretending that he´s calm and strong, for Murphy´s sake. "It´s only a dream, only a dream, it can´t hurt you. I am here, sweet Murph, you don´t have to be afraid. I wouldn´t let anything harm you."

He puts his hand on Murphy´s bare chest and his little brother throws himself back against the wall, fully awake. The blue eyes are filled with tears and fear.

"Don´t be afraid, Murph, it´s only me, Connor." He says, struggling to stay calm. "It was only a dream, it can´t harm you. You´re here with me Murphy, I´ll protect you, from everything. I promise."

"C-c-connor." Murphy stutters and casts himself in his brother's open arms, crying.

"I´m here baby brother, I´m here."

"H-help m-m-me…p-please."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much everyone! You guys f-ing rocks! **

**This was a really hard chapter to write so I hope you like it. **

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He clings on to his brother for dear life, afraid if he lets go Connor will disappear. Disappear and leave him with the man who hides in the shadows, waiting for him, watching him… In his mind he can feel Colin´s rough hands grabbing him, making him feel so small, so afraid and so dirty. Filthy, he is nothing more than a filthy little boy who doesn´t deserve to be loved. No one in this rotten world will ever love him. He can´t blame them, no one should have to look at something as ugly as him. His stepfather has told him many times that he is useless, worthless and deserves to be treated this way, and he knows Colin is right. He is disgusting and he fears the day Connor will realize it. Because the day Connor finally sees how worthless and disgusting he really is, is the day Connor will leave him. When the day arrives when he no longer has his brother by his side is the day he´ll say his final prayer and leave this life forever.

XxX

Murphy is trembling in his arms like a scared animal, crying, and he can feel his little brother´s heart beating dangerously fast. He places a soft kiss on his baby brother´s head while he makes tiny circles on the thin, naked back in an attempt to calm Murphy down.

"P-plea-ase d-don´t l-leave-e m-m-me." Murphy stutters in a breathless whisper. "D-don´t l-l-leave-e m-me-e."

"I´ll never leave you, Murphy, you know that." He says in a soothing voice and strokes his little brother´s dark hair. "I´ll always be by your side, protecting you. Nothing is ever going to harm you, Murph. I promise."

His heart is filled with pain, Murphy´s pain. The tears in his eyes won´t go away but he will not let them fall. Murphy needs him to be strong; his little brother needs his big brother to take care of him. And he will take care of the tormented boy who he loves more than anything else in the world. But he can´t understand why Murphy thinks he would ever leave him, just the thought of leaving his brother is too painful and too unrealistic.

"I´m right here Murph, like I always will be. I´ll protect you, baby brother." He insures his younger twin and gives him another kiss. "Tell me what´s wrong Murphy; tell me about your nightmares. I´ll protect you. You are safe with me."

"I-I-I… Y-o-ou c-c-c-ca-a-n-n…" Murphy says quietly but when the sobbing and the stutters take over his voice completely, he lets out a painful scream.

Murphy pulls away from him, looking almost possessed. Without warning his brother starts to hit himself, letting his knuckles strike his jaw and eye, and he screams while he does it. For a second he is left speechless, not sure what is happening with his sweet baby brother and he is scared out of his mind, but only for a second. He grabs Murphy's wrists, forcing him to stop hurting himself. His younger twin tries to break free from his firm grip, but he won´t let go. Murphy is still crying, the eyes are red and he is biting his lower lip which is already bleeding.

"Stop that shit, Murph!" He snaps and tries to meet his little brother´s gaze. "Calm down and tell me what´s wrong. You can trust me, Murphy; I´ll take care of you."

"S—t-t-up-pi-id…"

"What?" He asks and leans in closer, hoping that Murphy did not just say what he thinks he said. "What did you say Murphy?"

"Stu-up-p-pi-id… I-I´m s-s-t-tup-pi-i-id." Murphy stutters in a muffled voice and new tears start to roll down his red cheeks.

"You are not stupid!" He exclaim, not quite believing what he´s hearing. "Don´t you dare say that again, because it´s not true. You are not stupid Murphy!"

"I-I c-can´t eve-e-en t-talk-k, C-conn-o-or."

"Look at me Murph." He says and grabs his little brother's chin. Their light blue eyes meet and it feels like he is staring straight in to his baby brother´s haunted soul. You my dear brother is not stupid, you´re one of the smartest people I know! Your mouth just can´t keep up with your brain, that's all. It is nothing to worry about, Murphy."

They look at each other, everything is quiet and he can almost see his twin believing him. But only for a second before the trust, the calm and the belief disappear and Murphy begins gasping for air.

"Oh my God." He exclaim in a voice filled with panic as he presses his hand against Murphy´s forehead. "You are burning up!"

Murphy is staring at him with his big blue eyes which is filled with panic and confusion. The breathing is fast and irregular causing Murphy to turn sickly pale and he fears that his little brother will pass out. He knows what he have to do, so he stands up from the bed, grabbing hold of Murphy´s hand and tries to get him to stand up. But Murphy won't move he just sits on the bed looking fragile and scared.

"Murphy, come on!"

When Murphy won´t even look at him he sighs, feeling a wave of panic hit him, before he takes a deep breath as he tries to come up with a plan. His little brother needs to cool down so he can´t see any other way than to carry him to the bathroom, forcing him to take a bath in cold water. His little brother may be skinny but he finds himself having a great deal of trouble picking him up in his arm and carry him all the way to the tub. When they finally reach their destination both him and Murphy is pouring with sweat.

"Can you stand up?" He asks and when Murphy nods he releases his brother's legs from his arms. But he won't let go of his shoulders before he is completely assured that Murphy is not going to fall. "Good."

He starts filling the tub with cold water and it pains him to do this to his own brother. With a sad expression on his face he turns around to look at his twin who stands quietly with his eyes closed. Which he finds odd, Murphy never have his eyes closed unless he is asleep. With slightly trembling hands he starts undressing his little brother, but when his hand meets Murphy´s cold skin his twin jumps back. The boy in front of him is no longer the boy with the mischievous smile and infectious laugh, instead there is a trembling, little boy trying to hide. Murphy is petrified and the blue, piercing eyes are staring at him, begging him not to come closer.

"Murphy, you need to take your pants off so you can take a bath." He says in a voice filled with fake confidence and calm. "You have a fever, Murph, do you understand?"

Slowly he walks towards Murphy who is trying to get away. When his fingertips touch his little brother´s waist Murphy drops to the floor and curls up to a little ball, shaking violently.

"No please sir! Please, I´ll be a good boy, I promise. Please don´t hurt me…" Murphy whimpers as he begs.

He looks at his little brother as his heart breaks into a thousand little pieces and he knows that someone will have to pay for this. No one will hurt his little brother and get away with it. No, when he finds the man who did this to his brother…

_And Shepherds we shall be_

_For thee, my Lord, for thee._

_Power hath descended forth from Thy hand_

_Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands._

_So we shall flow a river forth to Thee_

_And teeming with souls shall it ever be._

_In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti._


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow! Thank you so much for the reviews! They really mean a lot! So thanks dudes! **

He cries. He begs. He screams.

Colin comes closer with a big smile on his handsome face and chuckles emotionlessly. The room is dark and incommodious, feeling more like a tomb then a room and he is so terrified he can´t even breathe. The cold causing his naked body to shiver and the tears are rolling down his cheeks, landing on his narrow chest.

""N-no p-p-please s-sir! P-please-e, I-I´ll b-b-be a-a g-good b-b-boy, I-I-I p-pr-romise. P-pleas-se d-don´t h-h-hurt m-me…"

"What a stupid, stupid little boy you are, Murphy." Colin laughs, watching him with amusement. "Babies talks better than you, boy. But maybe you are a baby, _Murph_?"

"N-no." He chokes as the tears continue to roll.

"You´re right, boy, you´re not a baby. You are a filthy little boy who is loved by no one. Stupid. Disgusting. Useless. No wondering why your mother is ashamed of you."

His stepfather's words hurts like daggers. They hurt because they are true, he knows that very well but there is still a small part of him that refuses to believe what Colin is saying. He knows for certain that he´s stupid and filthy but he also knows that he is loved. Connor loves him. Or maybe that just another lie, another damn fairytale he made up to comfort himself when the shadows come. Maybe Connor doesn´t love him…

XxX

He have no idea how he actually he did it, but somehow he manage to get his baby brother in the tub. It wasn´t pretty and he is sure that he will have a black eye tomorrow thanks to Murph but that doesn´t matter. Murphy is once again quiet and the only thing that comes out from his mouth is a small whimper. He struggles not to cry, not to scream, not to beg but if Murphy won´t start talking soon he will break down and force his little brother to tell him. Someone is harming his baby brother and he wants to know who so he can kick his ass. Murphy´s panic attack is the scariest thing he ever had to witness and the pain of seeing his brother in that state was almost too much to bare.

"Murph." He says, forcing himself to sound strong. "I know."

In the corner of his eye he can see how Murphy flinches.

"I know someone is harming you and I…"

"You don´t know anything Connor!" Murphy sneers and gives him a dark glare. "You don´t know a fucking thing so shut up."

He is taken aback from Murphy's sudden fury but he just shrugs calmly and leans back on the toilet seat, acting nonchalant.

"Well, brother, let us say that I don´t know anything." He says with a cool voice, knowing exactly how to handle his angry baby brother. "So explain to me so I´ll understand. Because if you don´t I´ll go around assuming things, believing that I know, meaning I won´t stop talking. But I guess that won´t bother you since I know how much you love the sound of my voice."

Murphy stands abruptly from the tub, jumping over the brink and grabs his sweatpants from the floor.

"Hey, take it easy Murphy, you have a fever!" He snaps as he stands up. "Where are you going?"

His little brother storms out of the bathroom and disappears down the stairs. Murphy is heading for the front door but he runs past his brother, who now has his pants on, and blocks the entrance so Murphy can´t escape from another uncomfortable talk.

"Move!" Murphy growls and tightens his fists.

"No, you can´t always run Murphy." He says as he meets his brother´s eyes. "I won´t let you run, brother, not this time."

His baby brother´s eyes are dark, ice cold and the lips are no longer trembling. Murphy is not only mad, he´s furious and ready to fight. Murph has never been good with expressing his feelings with words, the stuttering have made him self-conscious and shy. So that's why Murphy prefers to fight. Normally he would fight Murphy but not this time. No this time Murphy will tell him about his nightmare and the man who´s causing them.

"Someone is hurting you." He says slowly and fully aware of that Murphy will start screaming.

"I´ll hurt you if you don´t move!" Murphy roars and tries to sucker punch him.

Quickly he ducks before he rams into Murphy´s thin body and tackles him to the floor. They hit the floor with a bang but that doesn´t stop Murphy from kicking and screaming; trying to hit him and escape. But Murphy has no energy left, he only have anger and pain.

"Stop it!" He roars as he tries to hold his little brother still. "Take it easy, Murphy! Just talk to me. I am trying to help!"

"I´ve told you! You can´t help me, nobody can help me!" Murphy screams, still kicking.

"Don´t give me that shit again Murphy!" He exclaims frustrated. "I can help you! If you just tell me what's wrong I´ll help you!"

"Fuck you!" Murphy roars and looks him straight in the eyes. "Don´t you understand? I´m trying to make this easy for you so just let me go!"

"Nothing with you Murphy is easy." He says with a small smile. "But I don´t want easy, I want you to feel safe. I want you to be happy. You can trust me Murphy, I´ll take care of you."

"Why don´t you come off your high horses, huh, Connor?" Murphy snarls looking more than furious. "You think you can save me, that you can fix me. But you can´t fucking fix me, cause I´m not broken! So let me go!"

"I never said that you´re broken, baby brother, I just said that…"

"I am not your baby brother! So stop treating me like I´m a fucking baby!" Murphy screams from the top of his lungs and his face turns dark red. "Get off me Connor before I kick your teeth in!"

"Murphy, just take it easy and breathe. I know that you´re upset but screaming won´t help. So calm down and tell me who the man is in your nightmares!"

"Get off of me!"

"Not until you tell me!"

"I am so sick of you." Murphy scowls with a dark expression. "You are always trying to act like you know so much, that you´re so wise and mature and fucking perfect. Like you´re da. You think you can tell me what to do and you think that´s your job to protect me."

"Stop it Murphy, before you say something you´ll regret." He warns and raises an eyebrow.

"I really wish you were da, I really do. Because if you were, you wouldn´t be here!"

"Don´t bring da into this!"

"Stop treating da like a fucking God or something! You have never met the guy, and guess what Connor, you´ll never will. He abandon us, he abandon you! Maybe he couldn't stand your nagging either! You drove him away with your fucking whining!"

Suddenly he sees red; his brother's words are like venomous poison and anger fleers up inside. He knows that Murphy doesn´t mean it, that the words are just words but Murphy crossed the line this time.

"Fine." He says and stands up. "Get out."

Murphy is eyeing him suspiciously, trying to figure out if it´s a trap.

"You wanted to go, so go." He says flatly and opens the front door. "Go."

Murphy jumps up from the floor, not wanting to waste another second. His little brother grabs his coat and runs out from the warm, safe house, leaving him alone.

"Have fun in the dark, Murphy!" He yells after his brother before closing the door and collapsing on the floor in tears.

Making it easy for you


	7. Chapter 7

**THANK YOU! You guys are fucking awesome! This chapter is dedicated to my "big brother" and best friend Patricia. **

Colin is moaning loudly in his ear and against his hip he can feel his stepfather´s erection getting bigger and bigger. The pain, the shame has taken over his emaciated body completely and he wants to scream when the man suddenly grabs him between the legs and starts rubbing. In the corner of his eye he can see Colin´s cold smile, the smile that scares the living daylight outta him. He tries, really tries, to forget that he is standing naked in the dark with his stepfathers hand on his private parts. But he knows that he can´t forget, not now, not ever, and knowing that is slowly killing him.

"Will you be a good little boy for daddy?" Colin breathes heavily as he continues to rub him hard. "Tell daddy that you love him, boy."

He weeps in silence as he wishes for Connor.

XxX

He is cussing loudly as he blames himself for everything. If he wasn´t such a horrible brother Murphy wouldn´t be having nightmares, or having panic attacks in the bathroom and he wouldn´t be all alone in the dark right now. He really thought that he could handle it, that he could protect his baby brother from harm but now it´s obvious that he can´t. He have failed the one person that he truly cares about and knowing that is killing him. For a second he lies still, listening, before he takes a deep breath and stands up.

"Pull yourself together for fuck sake." He sighs and dries the tears with the back of his hand. "Go and find Murphy before he finds himself some trouble."

With determination he runs out of the house, forgetting to lock the damn door, and heads for the only place he can think of; the old barn. It´s really dark outside and behind the trees he can see the shadows lurking, it´s almost like they are waiting for someone.

"Murph!" He cries out as he keeps running through the dark. "Murphy!"

The cold wind blowing through the trees is the only answer he gets. He keeps running as he shouts his baby brother's name, hoping Murphy will hear him and find comfort in his voice because he knows exactly how scared Murph is. The thought of his little brother crying in the dark makes him run faster and scream louder. His heart is beating dangerously fast and he can feel the taste of blood in his dry throat, that´s begging him to slow down. But he keeps running, like the devil himself is chasing him. Suddenly he hears a quiet whimper and an intense whisper; he stops dead in his track right in front of the old barn, knowing instantly that´s his baby brother. Relief fills his chest and without a sound he walks in to the barn, looking for his little brother. The inside of the shabby barn reminds him of a haunted house from a bad horror movie where the blonde, "friendly" girl dies first. The noise is coming from upstairs from the hayloft at the window where the moonlight can peep in. Without hesitation he starts climbing the wobbly ladder, thanking God that he doesn't have a fear of heights. The first thing he sees when he crawls off the ladder and on to the dingy floor is the tears in his baby brother's eyes, sparkling like diamonds. Murphy is leaning against one of the walls with his knees drawn to his chin, shaking, in a childish attempt to shield himself from the darkness.

"Murphy." He says quietly with the worried older brother voice he no longer can control.

"C-c-connor." Murphy sobs as his eyes refuses to look at him. "I-I d-don-n´t d-deserve y-you-u."

"What?" He exclaim shocked, rushing to his brothers side. "You´re talking crazy, Murph."

Gently he touches Murphy's trembling shoulder but his little brother flinches and shrugs of his hand. With eyes filled with hurt he looks at Murphy who avoids looking at him. His baby brother's baby blue eyes are red from the salty tears that are streaming down his pale face and dried blood is covering the trembling lips.

"I-it´s s-s-so d-dark C-connor-r." Murphy mumbles under his shaky breath. "D-dark s-shad-dows e-everywhere."

This time he grips his little brother's hand and pulls him in to a hug. Murphy let´s himself disappear into his warm, safe embrace and clings on to him like a drowning man clings on to a raft. The sobbing is loud and he can feel his shirt getting wet from Murphy´s tears, snot and blood.

"The darkness can´t harm you sweet Murph." He says in a soothing voice as he gently strokes his baby brother's back. "When you get scared of the dark and the shadows just remember that I can be your light. I will make the darkness disappear. I will keep you safe and guide you home."

"I-I d-d-don´t deser-rve y-you…" Murphy cries into his chest. "I-I´m f-f-filthy a-and d-di-isgusti-ing an-nd u-usel-less a-a-and s-s-s-tu-up-pid…"

His heart weeps in silence.

"I thank God every day, Murphy, for giving me you." He admits and buries his face in Murphy´s dark hair. "You are the bravest, most intelligent person I have ever met and you´re funny and kind, so kind, Murph. You my dear brother deserve the best brother in the world so I am so sorry you got stuck with me..."

No longer can he control his tears, he cries openly and pulls his little brother even closer.

"You are my big brother." Murphy says without stuttering as he moves his hand to his big brother´s heart, feeling it pound in the same rhythm as his own.

Five simple words but he knows the true meaning of them, making more tears stream down his face, tears of joy and love. He gives Murphy a big kiss on the head, rocking him slowly and he can feel his little brother relax.

"Thank you, baby brother. I love you too."

For almost an hour they sit in silence holding on to each other, forgetting the world outside. But when he opens his eyes and sees the darkness he can no longer shut out the world, to his great annoyance.

"Murphy, please, tell me, who is hurting you? Tell me and I will make that son of a bitch pay for what he did to you. I promise."

His baby brother stiffens in his arm, but he doesn´t try to run away, not this time. Murphy is tired of running.

"Who hurt you?"

"C-colin…"


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you! High five and all that! You guys are fucking awesome. **

**(The next chapter will be much longer and it will also be the last one…) **

"_If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you." - A.A Milne _

XxX

"Smile into the camera baby boy." Colin says in a low, excited voice. "Give daddy a smile, _Murph_."

His heart is racing, pounding hard in his chest and he is too scared to move, to breathe. He keeps his head down, refusing to look into the video camera that his stepfather is pointing at him. Colin is smiling coldly, already undoing his own pants with nimble fingers as he breathes heavily. He flinches from the familiar feeling of fear and pain when Colin slaps him across the face with a light chuckle.

"Look at you." Colin taunts and grabs his upper arm, pulling him closer. "You are disgusting, boy, ugly as sin. No one will ever love such an ugly, pathetic and worthless boy like you, _Murph_."

"C-C-Conn-n-nor-r l-l-love-es m-me-e." He says in a desperate whisper as his heart bleeds.

"Stupid, stupid boy." Colin sighs with a laugh. "Connor doesn´t love you. He´s not even here, he left you. Connor is a good boy, and you boy, you´re bad, the worst. Do you understand?"

He understands, and he knows it´s true. Connor has always been the good one; he is the saint the world needs. But the pain from hearing someone else says it hurts more than anything else in the world.

"Your brother will go to heaven and you will rot in hell, boy." Colin explains seriously. "God does not let ugly and filthy people in to heaven!"

"See you in hell then, _sir_."

Colin silences him with another slap and the fear and shame returns instantly. His mouth fills slowly with blood. Colin´s dark eyes are looking at him with anger and perversions, making him tremble because he knows what comes next. Colin directs the camera towards the shower before he puts it down on the sink. The big, strong hands grab his skinny arms and throw him in the shower. Panic takes over his body and he wants nothing more than to run and shout, but the fear has it´s cold, long fingers around his neck, forcing him to stay. Millions of tears are streaming down his face when his stepfather starts kissing him. The dry lips are pressing against his mouth, his chest, and the rough hands have made their way to his cock. A small whimper escapes his lips but Colin silence him with another wet kiss, forcing his tongue in his mouth. He tries to pull away but Colin is too strong. The pain between his legs is agonizing, and he is more than certain that he will start bleeding again. Colin takes his hand and places it on his hard-on and forcing him to rub it. His stepfather is moaning loudly and he cries quietly which only makes his stepfather moan louder. He drops his head and looks shyly straight in the camera, feeling sick when he realize that everyone will be able to see how disgusting he is.

XxX

Pure anger fleers up inside and he clenches his fists, whishing Colin was home right now so he could kick his ass, rip out his heart and light it on fire. His mind is filled with pure rage but he is forcing himself to keep it under control, for Murphy´s sake. His baby brother is already scared. Suddenly he realizes something, something horrible.

"How does he hurt you Murph?" He ask quietly, absolutely terrified of the answer.

The fear in his baby brother's eyes tells him everything but he needs to hear it out loud. Murphy is biting his lip again as the scrawny body is trembling slightly.

"I-I w-w-wa-ant t-to g-g-go-o ho-om-me." Murphy cries, looking at him with pleading eyes. "P-p-please-e."

He nods quickly, even though his brain screams furiously. He wants answers, he needs answers but first he needs to take care of his baby brother. Because he knows that Murphy won't tell him a thing out here in the dark, he is too scared of the shadows. Carefully he takes his little brothers hand and guides him down the ladder as he talks slowly, comforting him. Murphy whimpers, holding his hand hard, as they walk outside in to the dark again. The wind is cold, blowing through the trees and their hair, causing them both to shiver.

"There is nothing to be afraid of Murphy, not anymore. It´s only the wind, it can´t harm you." He says soothingly and puts his arm over his little brother's shoulders. "Nothing will ever harm you again. I will always be by your side and Colin will soon be nothing more than a _memory_."

**Ps. there will be a sequel. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for reading and reviewing! It means a lot, more than I can say right now and it truly makes my day!**

**I lied to you the other day; this will not be the last chapter. I wanted this story to end with a BANG so there will be one more chapter. (The first chapter to the sequel is already done. Apparently I have no life.) **

"_If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart. I'll stay there forever."_** – A.A Milne **

Murphy is sitting on the couch, with the green blanket drawn up to his chin, looking more than terrified and his twin keeps looking over his shoulder only to make sure Colin is not there, hiding in the dark. Silently he stands in front of his baby brother, trying to gather his thoughts as he ignores the feelings of sadness and fear. Feelings he is not used to feel, not like his sweet baby brother who has suffered day and night for so long. Only the thought of that makes him want to break down and cry and of course shoot Colin in the face.

"How did he hurt you, Murph?"

Tears are rolling down the pale face, fear taking over his little brothers features and the bottom lip is wet of blood. He thought his heart couldn´t possibly break anymore but the sight of his twin, of his Murph, breaks his heart, soul and body.

"Y-y-you-u w-w-wi-ill h-hat-te m-m-e." Murphy says in a weak whisper, ducking his head in shame. "T-thi-i-ink I´m-m d-d-disgu-uss-sti-i-i-ng.

His eyes widened in shocked disbelief and it feels like someone just sucker punched him.

"I would never hate you! I-I can´t hate you, you´re my little brother and I love you more than life itself! I will always love you, sweet Murph! So don't you worry about me hating you, because I won´t, because it´s not possible. And you are not disgusting, not even a little bit! Ma´s meatloaf is disgusting. Colin is more than disgusting but you; sweet, innocent Murphy Macmanus is not disgusting! Believe me, please Murphy! I would never do anything to hurt you! So please, I´m begging you, talk to me, and tell me! Please."

The big, blue eyes are looking at him, filled with fear and it´s obvious that Murphy is having a struggle with himself on the inside. He knows that it´s not Murphy´s words, it´s his stepfather's venomous words and Colin will pay with blood for them. Suddenly Murphy stands up and for a second he thinks his little brother is going try to escape again.

"W-wait h-he-re."

Murphy disappears and he stands dumbfounded, left alone with the fear and anger. He looks out the window, staring into the dark, cold night and for the first time he can actually feel his baby brother´s fear. Murphy returns, with the green blanket wrapped around his trembling body and in his hand he holds a video tape. Without a word his little brother pops the tape in the vcr and returns to the couch. He turn to Murphy and is about to ask his little brother what´s going on when he suddenly hears a deep moan. Slowly he turns around again only to see his naked baby brother, crying.

"You are disgusting, boy, so ugly and pathetic! You deserve this! You deserve everything daddy does to you because you´re nothing more than a stupid little boy who never will be loved by anyone. Noah left because of you, it´s your fault that your brother doesn´t have a real father. You hurt them, boy; you hurt your ma and brother. So I hurt you to teach you, to make you understand what a horrible human being you really are."

The man, their mother's husband, their stepfather words hurt like the sharpest daggers and pure anger fills his body. He wants to throw up, he wants to see Colin suffer; suffer like no man has done before. He can´t look away, he can´t stop looking at Colin as he hurts his baby brother and he can´t stop looking at Murphy´s blue, watery eyes. He has never seen anything like the horror and the angst in his little brother's eyes as he stands naked, begging, but the man only comes closer.

"No one loves you, not your mother, not Connor. Your brother is too good for you; the best thing for Connor, for everyone, would be if you died, disappeared from our lives, boy!"

XxX

He sits quietly, pulling the blanket closer, as he meets his own blue eyes on the blurry television screen. The scared little boy is begging for help and he can´t do anything to save him. Because he is that little boy, screaming, and he hates it. He hates the fact that he is that boy, that he´ll always be that boy, for the rest of his pathetic life. He can´t save himself… He stares at Connor who is clenching his fists and he has never seen anyone looking so mad before and at the same time so sad. Fuck, Connor is mad at him, he knew it. His big brother will hate him forever and he is going to be alone. He won´t survive if Connor hates him, he don´t want to live if he´s not going to have his big brother´s love. Without Connors love he´s nothing. Life is nothing.

XxX

The man is touching his baby brother, making him cry, making him feel pain and making him feel like he is nothing more than an ugly, stupid little boy who deserves this. No one hurts his Murph! He can no longer control the anger that burns worse than hellfire in his chest. He rips the cable from the wall and the horrifying scene disappears, but he can still see it, hear it, and feel it. With a scream he kicks the old armchair as he lets out a frustrated scream.

"S-s-sorry…" Murphy's small voice whimpers.

He closes his eyes and kicks himself, realizing how terrified Murphy must be right now. Calm, he must stay calm and come up with a plan but more importantly he needs to take care of his little brother.

"Don´t be sorry!" He says in his big brother voice and sits down beside Murphy, wrapping his arm around his twins shaking shoulders. "I am not mad at you, baby brother. You have done nothing wrong! I am mad at Colin, he hurt you. So we are going to hurt him, little brother. What he did to you Murphy… He hurt you, he told you nothing but lies and he is nothing more than a disgusting son of a bitch that deserves to die a slow and very, very painful death."

XxX

He nods slowly, thinking about what his big brother just told him as he lays his heavy head on Connors shoulder. Connor pulls him closer, hugging him tightly and he feels safe. His big brother will protect him from everything, from the shadows and he knows that nothing can hurt him anymore. He can hear his twins heart beating, he can feel his brother's strong arms around him and he can feel Connors warmth. He can feel his big brother´s love.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! **

**And I am so sorry for the late update but I have been to London, Copenhagen, Stockholm and the hospital so… yeah, y´know… But anyway, here it is the last chapter. Remember, there will be a sequel! **

"_If you have it [love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have."_

"It's creative! It happened to be a creative plan!" He exclaims, defending his plan, a plan that is absolutely brilliant, it´s best plan ever. "So lighten up Murph, your negative attitude ain't helping any!"

"Fuck you!" Murphy screams and stares at him darkly from the kitchen table. "There is nothing wrong with my attitude! My attitude is fucking wonderful... But there is something wrong with your plan!"

"Yeah, like what?!" He sneers with a sigh and rolls his eyes.

"It´s fucking ridiculous!"

"Oh just shut it, Murphy!"

"You shut it Connor…" Murphy sneers, pouting like a little kid as he sticks his hands in his pockets. "It is not going to work, Con, it´s a fucking stupid plan!"

"I didn't notice you throwin' out any ideas, you creative asshole!" He growls from Colin´s office as he finishes up on the last details. "So shut your mouth Boo-Boo before I do it for you!"

"Don´t call me that!" Murphy growls as his cheeks turn slightly red from embarrassment and anger. "I am not five years old anymore Connor so stop treating me like a fucking child."

He stands up; a smile is resting on his small red lips as he walks towards his baby brother who stares at him darkly. Murphy´s dark hair is shagging in his blue eyes, trying to hide his pain and fear from the world. His little brother may be able to hide from the world but he can´t hide from him, not now, not ever. It will always be him and sweet Murph against the world. His baby brother is the only one he need.

"I don´t care how old you are, Murph, you will always be my little Boo-Boo." He says teasingly and gives his baby brother a big, bright grin. "_Boo-Boo!_"

The anger flashes before Murphy´s eyes but instead of screaming and fighting his twin does something he never could have guessed; his baby brother smiles.

"Shut up." Murphy says shyly and tries to hide his red cheeks. "You promised you wouldn´t call me that anymore."

"Nah, I promised I wouldn´t tell anyone that your nickname is Boo-Boo." He says and wraps his arm around his little brother's thin shoulders. "I don´t understand why you are so embarrass by it though, it´s cute, just like you sweet Murph."

"Fuck you Connor, you´re the cute one!"

"No Murphy, I am the handsome one, the good looking one, and you brother, you´re the cute one." He says with a laugh as he wave to the nonexistent crowd that is admiring his good looks and dashing personality.

Murphy looks at him and smiles but in the corner of his eye he can see the longing and jealousy in his baby brothers blue eyes.

"I´m the ugly one…" Murphy mutters under his breath and ducks his head in shame.

"What?" He says, feeling the pain and anger return instantly.

"I am not the cute one, I´m the ugly one, the fucked up one..." Murphy says, this time louder with a trembling voice that is filled with self-loathing and anger. "I am the one that should be buried six feet underground so you and ma…"

"Stop it!" He snaps, not being able to hear another word. "Listen to me Murphy, you are not ugly or fucked up! Colin is the ugly one and the fucked up one and he will be the one buried six feet underground! Because he _deserves_ it! You don´t deserve this Murph, you really don´t. Believe me. Before this night is over Colin will be dead, gone from our lives forever, and not even God will forgive him for what he has done to you."

Tears are streaming down Murphy's face and he is having a hard time to control his own tears but he can see that his baby brother is finally starting to believe him.

"You are not ugly Murph, you are fucking perfect!"

"Thanks Connor." Murphy whispers and grabs his hand, hoping that his big brother will understand that even though he can´t say it, he feels it.

"I love you too, Boo-Boo." He says and gives his baby brother a soft kiss on the forehead.

/

Colin will be home any minute now, any minute. The only thing he can hear is his own heart beating loudly and Murphy´s breathing. They are sitting on the floor, hidden behind the desk in Colin´s office. Da´s army revolver is lying heavy in his hands and he can feel some sort of truth, justice. Murphy is looking sickly pale and he keeps turning his head over his shoulder, terrified that Colin will be standing there with a cold smile. His little brother is biting his lip like there is no tomorrow.

"You ready for this shit, my dear brother?"

Murphy takes the gun from his hands.

"Let's do some gratuitous violence."

The front door opens and he takes a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves before he starts shouting.

"For fuck sakes Murph, just forget the tapes! You know we aren´t supposed to be in here! Ma will have us killed!"

"BOY!" Colin screams furiously and tries to hide the utter panic in his voice. "What the fuck are you boys doing?"

They stand up from behind the desk and when they see their stepfather running towards the office, them can´t help but cringe. But only for a second because the anger on Colin´s face is replaced by confusion and fear when the older man falls head first to the floor. He starts laughing and so does Murphy as they run in front of the desk with the gun pointing at Colin´s head.

"And you said the rope was a stupid idea." He grins and can´t help but feel extremely proud over his plan to make Colin trip and fall on his ass, or more precisely; head. "Not so tough now, huh, you piece of shit?!"

"What are you boys doing?" Colin exclaims and stares at the gun in Murphy's hand. "Boy, what are you doing with that gun?"

"Don´t call me boy." Murphy says slowly, his voice low and threatening. "On your knees. Now."

Reluctantly Colin does what Murphy says, not taking the eyes off the gun. But the fear and confusion is gone and instead of begging for his life, Colin smiles.

"This is pathetic, _boy." _Colin mocksand chuckles coldly. "You don´t have the balls to do it, you´re too scared. You are nothing more than a scared little baby that needs to be put in his place!"

He is about to kick his stepfathers teeth in when Murphy takes a step towards. There is something different with his twin and it takes a second before he realize what it is. The lips are not trembling and the eyes are not filled with shame or fear. They are now filled with hatred.

"You will rot in hell, Colin. I am going to kill you and you will be missed by no one. God will look at your pathetic, child molester face and spit." Murphy says with a steady voice as the blue eyes are glimmering in the dark. "I hear Satan have a special place in hell for people like you. I want you to suffer."

"Are you trying to be tough, boy?" Colin sneers and sighs deeply as he shakes his head in disappointment. "You won´t kill me, because you are nothing more than a victim. A filthy, disgusting victim that I can have whenever I damn well please."

XxX

He is tired, so tired to be afraid. This ends tonight; he won't be a victim any longer. Tonight he takes his dignity back from the man who stole it. He manages to smile before he takes the gun and slam it against his stepfathers head. The sick perverted man screams out in pain, which makes his blood warm. He hits Colin again, and again and again. He can feel the older man nose crack and dark red blood is streaming down from the nostrils, covering most of Colin´s face.

"You disgusting fuck! I will kill you, I will fucking kill you!" Why? What did I ever do to you, you fucking… Why?" He screams, feeling the panic and the hurt take over his entire body and mind. "I hate you! I fucking hate you!"

Colin is nothing more than a bloody mess, lying on the floor screaming and crying. Connor is standing beside him now, his eyes are filled with even more hatred and his face is deadly serious.

"Who is the baby now, huh, _boy_?" He says with a crocked smile as he raises his gun. "On your knees."

Connor drags Colin to his knees and forces him to keep his eyes open.

"P-p-plea-ase-e M-Mur-rp-p-phy…"

"What a stupid, stupid little boy you are, Colin. Can´t even talk."

"And Shepherds we shall be

For thee, my Lord, for thee.

Power hath descended forth from Thy hand

Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.

So we shall flow a river forth to Thee

And teeming with souls shall it ever be.

In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

BANG!

Silence.

XxX

"Murphy, stop it, don´t beat yourself up. Yeah, he got away but Murph, he won´t be able to walk straight ever again or see with his left eye. You showed him that you´re not a victim." He says, embracing his baby brother. "You are not a victim Murph."

"I am not a victim." Murphy repeats quietly as he stares out the window. "I am not a victim."

Somehow Colin managed to escape, everything happened so fast and the look on his baby brothers face… he can´t even describe it. The monster is still alive.

"Next time we see him, I´ll shoot him dead."

"Good!"

"I love you, big brother."

"I love you, baby brother."

The shadows are gone... but only for the moment.


End file.
